Today I watched a thrush gathering twigs and weeds for a nest. It was tireless and diligent. Rabbits, squirrels and birds hunt for food all day in sun and rain. They have to keep at it in order to survive. Watching them, I feel sheepish. Wild animals can’t stop because they are weak, tired, sleepy or sick. They have an uncanny ability to press on.
Three years ago I put myself in a wheelchair because I felt lightheaded and faint after a severe bout of vertigo and hypertension and I never stopped using it. Now I’m addicted to it. I still have episodes of hypertension and fainting and am afraid to let go of my ‘crutch’ on wheels. But my body is getting weaker. I need to put it away.
Last night I dreamed that I was walking up and down a long, sunny hall at a brisk pace when suddenly I realized I was not in the wheelchair. I was elated, even after I woke. What a wonderful, freeing feeling it was! We have so many gifts in this life that we don’t even think about, or appreciate, until we lose them.
I remember when I was 8 years old dreaming I could skate, then waking disappointed when I realized it was just a dream; and later, as a young adult, dreaming I could drive, feeling that same disappointment when I woke to the truth. In both cases, fear was involved, just as it is now. But I eventually overcame that fear and learned to skate and to drive. I’m hoping I’ll be able to overcome my fears once again, to put the wheelchair away and to walk through the rest of my life like in my dreams