oldsunbird

"I have been more outrageous and more alone and more courageous than the world has known. Passerby, my heart is like your own."

WARNING: This is a pitty party of one

I fell apart after Betsy died and can’t seem to recover.  Have episodes of increased BP, nausea, blurred vision, ringing ears, passing out.  I’m anxious and depressed.  Don’t know if it’s stress or something else.  I’ve had these symptoms from time to time, but it’s more often now, and more severe.  It’s getting harder to hold on to a positive outlook.  In the past three days, I’ve been to the ER and seen three doctors.

I’m living the days I’ve dreaded for a long time.  I’m old.  I don’t like it, but I’m old, alone and lonely.  I’d love to have another furry companion but I’m afraid to get one.  Will I be able to care for her/him?  Would it be fair to the animal?  So I go through the rooms my precious ones have filled and the rooms are so empty!

A nurse from St. John’s Home Health Care was here today interviewing me.  Can they help?  I hope so.    My spirit has been broken before.  I hope I can heal it once again.

It would be wonderful to have just one person in the world you know cares what happens to you.  Seems to be a necessary requisite for survival.  I’ve always known why old souls in convalescent homes just shrivel up and die.

Enough said.  Tonight, I pray for the strength and courage to heal myself.

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12 thoughts on “WARNING: This is a pitty party of one

  1. There are a lot of older dogs who need homes and I know you will feel better with one there. Sending prayers your way.

  2. SkiDaddy on said:

    So sorry to hear this Mary, I wish I knew what to say, hopefully something helpful. At any rate I hope a new day brings you a new, happier, perspective.
    Dwayne

    • Thank you Ski Daddy. I do feel a little better today. And, by the way, I’m so happy for you that you are feeling so much better. One of the side effects of of my BP medication, which was recently increased, is depression. That may be partly responsible for how I’m feeling, though I do miss my Betsy so much. She was such a sweetheart.

  3. I’m going to join you tonight in prayer; for resiliance, strength and courage. Though you may be facing these days on your own please know there are people ‘out here’ who do care about you and what happens to you. You aren’t completely alone.

  4. I care about you, my WordPress friend. Your grief is fresh, and you need time to heal. I’m thinking of you and will pray for some peace. Take care, Jane

  5. Perhaps you could adopt an older pet who feels that her best days have past, but she still has love to give.

  6. yes, that’s what I’ve done since losing two of my 15 year old friends last year. Old dogs do have problems and one must be willing to have a heart broken. I’ve lost two this year. Hard as it is, I’m willing if I’m physically able. I pray that I am.

  7. I hope you find a wonderful companion, as loving and gentle as you are. Exactly a week ago today I had my grandson’s 15 year old Maltese euthenased. She was old and hurting. I miss her so much. She was my shadow and slept with me every night.

    • Thank you. From what I’ve heard, Audrey will make a wonderful companion. I’m so sorry about your little one. I’ve had to make that difficult decision too–three times since last October. Two of my little angels were fifteen also. It’s losing a real friend and there are so many feelings to deal with. I hope you find another companion too. No one can ever take the place of the one lost, but caring for another sweet one helps in the grieving. At least it does, for me. I couldn’t think of it at first but now I’m ready.
      Sending warm thoughts to you, Mary (oldsunbird)

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