Unhappy Thoughts

Feeling low.  An emptiness I can’t fill.  Watching reruns on TV.  Trying to read.  Fixing meals.  Just going through the motions.

I’m sad, anxious.  Three weeks ago I began getting ready for Audrey, a lovely mini poodle from Daisy Hill Poodles.  Linda emailed pictures.  I fell in love.  A week ago, I got a call from Linda informing me that she wasn’t going to ship Audrey after all because she was afraid she wouldn’t do well with the flight.  Audrey is a mild mannered dog and the flight would be difficult, not to mention new people and a new life at the end of the line.  Actually, I was relieved that sweet Audrey wouldn’t have to make that trip.  I was worried about her myself.  But sad for me.

In the meantime, I’d bought a new ortho doggie bed, a nice collar, all the things I thought would make her comfortable.  I even hired someone to come and help arrange things in the house, with Audrey in mind.   No different from how I’d get ready for a family member or a friend.  As far as I was concerned, she WAS a family member, and I could hardly wait to welcome her into her new home.

What do I do with all that energy?  All those emotions?  I tell myself I have to forget her.  But I can’t.  She’s in my heart.  All this love, and no where to put it.


18 thoughts on “Unhappy Thoughts

  1. I’m sorry for your loss, and that’s what it was….a loss.
    Is it only a poodle that you want to love? Perhaps another breed, an unloved charmer from a local SPCA?

  2. I hope things pick up for you today. I also have allergy issues and need a non-shedding dog. You may want to consider a Yorkshire terrier, Silkie Terrier, or schnauzer if you can’t find a poodle, as they are non-shedding. I have a silkie terrier who is a good dog, but pretty active. I also have a schnauzer that doesn’t shed. I got the silkie and schnauzer on Craig’s list.

  3. It’s a shame that anyone could have so much love and desire to be a pet mom, and yet not have a pet to share that with. You just have to find the “right” one. Audrey’s current owner couldn’t give her up. Audrey didn’t need your home as much as another dog will (because she was already in her own loving home. Her owner just didn’t understand that). You just need to find the dog that is searching for you.

    1. Thank you so much for reminding me of what I told myself in the beginning: Audrey is already loved and comfortable where she is, she doesn’t need me; and I truly was concerned for her when I thought about her taking that long trip with stop-overs. I know I’ll find my dog. I must be patient.

  4. Trust that the Universe will have a place for you to direct your love:-) Some times people don’t think about the impact promises have on others. Try not to be upset at Linda, she was careless with her intentions, but I’m sure intially her intentions were good. There a puppy out there somewhere who will trilled to come into your life!

    1. Thank you for your thoughtful response to my post. I know Linda wanted to do the right thing and couldn’t bring herself to tell me she’d changed her mind. Audrey was to replace Betsy who died four months after I got her from Linda. Betsy was a sweetheart and I’m missing her so much. I lost her about a month ago. And two months ago, I lost a little rat terrier I got from the humane society. Last year I lost my two 15 year old poodles. There’s just been a lot of losses lately. But I know there’s one out there for me. I’ll just keep looking.

  5. Believe that another dog will need you, a dog who really needs you and will perfect for your needs, too. Empty arms are so painful after such a disappointment, but keep your arms open…and believe they’ll be filled.

    1. Marilyn, You are so right. And you said it beautifully. My arms are open, and so is my heart. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve been without a canine friend for this long.

  6. I am very sorry for your loss, such a hard thing. At the same time, I am incredibly excited about the possibilities of what is to come for you! SO much love to give wont go unanswered. I will eagerly follow your blog in anticipation of that special pooch making his/her grand entrance into your story.

    1. Thank you for your kind response and also for following my blog. I’ve visited your site and am eager to follow yours as well. If I was younger, I’d love to do what you and your husband are doing. My best to you.

    1. Deena,
      Thank you for your concern. I DID find another sweetie. She’s been with me for about 3 weeks now. She’s a mini-poodle and her name is JennyPenny. She follows me everywhere. It’s so nice to have a loving companion.

  7. “All this love and nowhere to put it.” I’m sorry at your disappointment, but nature abhors a vacuum, and I believe that loving hearts will find a way. It sometimes just takes longer than we prefer.

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