Feeling low. An emptiness I can’t fill. Watching reruns on TV. Trying to read. Fixing meals. Just going through the motions.
I’m sad, anxious. Three weeks ago I began getting ready for Audrey, a lovely mini poodle from Daisy Hill Poodles. Linda emailed pictures. I fell in love. A week ago, I got a call from Linda informing me that she wasn’t going to ship Audrey after all because she was afraid she wouldn’t do well with the flight. Audrey is a mild mannered dog and the flight would be difficult, not to mention new people and a new life at the end of the line. Actually, I was relieved that sweet Audrey wouldn’t have to make that trip. I was worried about her myself. But sad for me.
In the meantime, I’d bought a new ortho doggie bed, a nice collar, all the things I thought would make her comfortable. I even hired someone to come and help arrange things in the house, with Audrey in mind. No different from how I’d get ready for a family member or a friend. As far as I was concerned, she WAS a family member, and I could hardly wait to welcome her into her new home.
What do I do with all that energy? All those emotions? I tell myself I have to forget her. But I can’t. She’s in my heart. All this love, and no where to put it.