oldsunbird

"I have been more outrageous and more alone and more courageous than the world has known. Passerby, my heart is like your own."

Not So Pleasant Holidays

Iconic screen shot from the movie It's a Wonde...

Iconic screen shot from the movie It’s a Wonderful Life. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

“It’s a Wonderful Life” is on the TV tonight.   Scott loved that movie.  He watched it every year.  I’m surprised at how just knowing its on fills me with dread.  It’s been 13 years since Scott killed himself and I still can’t watch his favorite programs, look at his photos, his handwriting, anything that reminds me of him.  He loved  sizzlers, Seinfeld, Star Wars, roast, rice and gravy.

I often wonder what he would look like now, if he’d be married, if he’d have children.  I loved him so much.  I still can’t believe he’s gone.  And I miss him.

I’ll be glad when Christmas is over.  Next, I have to get through his birthday, January 9th.  He’d be 49.  The hurt never goes away.

 

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11 thoughts on “Not So Pleasant Holidays

  1. lucewriter on said:

    Mary, I’m so sorry. Your loss is so great. I hope it’s helpful to you to write about it. I think it’s helpful for others to read about it. Many hugs to you.
    Luanne

    • Luanne, you are so sweet and thoughtful. Thank you for your concern. It means a lot to me. Actually, it does help to write about it, once I get started. And, since I don’t have anything positive to say right now, I hope my writing does help others in some way. Blessings to you. Love, Mary

    • I am so behind. Please accept my apologies. I have been quite under the weather for several months. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you.

  2. Dear Mary,
    I know it is a hard time for you now, and I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’ve said before that I wish I could visit with you. My mother is having a hard time this year, too. She struggles getting around, and she seems much more frail now. My father died at age 53 on Dec. 21, 1986. Her mother died one week later. It takes the joy out of the holiday when the memories are such sad ones, doesn’t it. My father’s birthday was January 5. She will feel better, too, when that passes. If I could sit with you a while, Mary, I would hold your hand, we’d have tea, and we would talk about our loved ones while we cried a little and, hopefully, laughed a little. I’m glad you posted. I think of you and Jenny Penny, and wonder how you are doing.
    Hugs to you, Mary.
    Maddie

  3. Oh I am so so sorry.

  4. Pilgrim1966 on said:

    Mary, I’m sorry to still feel your loss so acutely. But I’m glad that you obviously felt blessed by the time you had together. I trust that you will be re-united in joy, and where all tears will be wiped away….”He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.”

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