oldsunbird

"I have been more outrageous and more alone and more courageous than the world has known. Passerby, my heart is like your own."

Reading and Remembering

I thought I’d review my experience of 2012 tonight and maybe list some wishes for 2013, but my mind took me to another place.  Earlier this evening I started a novel by Helen Garner, “The Spare Room,” and I started thinking about my son, John,  johnshome.wordpress.com , who died of colon cancer in February, 2001.   The book is about two friends, one of whom is dying of cancer.  But when I thought of John, Cancer wasn’t what I thought of.

I remembered an experience John had at a new middle school he attended after we moved to Connecticut from Indiana.  He was taken into a booth in the boy’s bathroom and beat up by a boy from a corrective institution.  The boy was there on some kind of grant from the government, I believe, a trial program for delinquent boys.  The boy took John’s watch, gave him a black eye, a busted lip and a messed up face.  John was borderline autistic, a mild mannered, gentle soul who was trusting.  Even though the other boy had no marks or injuries, the incident was treated as a “scuffle between boys.”

Even though John was hurting physically, he was mostly injured emotionally.  He drew into himself, stayed up late at night teaching himself to play the guitar, picking out soft, haunting tunes.  He checked a book out of the library called “Violence in America.”   It broke my heart.

I was so angry, I took him to the principal’s office and insisted the principal explain to him why nothing was being done about the boy who hurt him.  I don’t remember the explanation, but it was lame.  It was obvious that something political was going on.  I took John to the head of the education board,  Again, sympathy, but no help.  I called the local newspaper.  A lot of sympathy but no help when the reporter learned where the other boy was from.

I think John and I both lost faith and respect at that time for people in high places.  It’s been a long road trying to change my opinion.

Not a very pretty story.  I’m sorry I can’t do better, especially today when I should be looking back at the positives in my life and thinking about going forward.  But this is real; anything else I might write would be forced.

Tomorrow, perhaps, I’ll take stock and look ahead.  For now, I’m sending John a hug and a prayer, and then I’ll get back to my novel.

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3 thoughts on “Reading and Remembering

  1. This is so terribly sad – it’s a sad novel too. Sending you love.

  2. lucewriter on said:

    Mary, this is very vivid to me. As a mom, I to have felt the pain that we moms feel when our kids are hurt and we can’t get help for them. It’s worse than anything that happens to us. xo
    Luanne

  3. You are a good mom. You listened to his side of the story and advocated on his behalf. The school administration may have let you two down, all the way up the ladder, but you didn’t let him down. In the end, that is probably the most important thing. YOU did the right thing, and that is all you can control.

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