Unhappy Thoughts

Feeling low.  An emptiness I can’t fill.  Watching reruns on TV.  Trying to read.  Fixing meals.  Just going through the motions.

I’m sad, anxious.  Three weeks ago I began getting ready for Audrey, a lovely mini poodle from Daisy Hill Poodles.  Linda emailed pictures.  I fell in love.  A week ago, I got a call from Linda informing me that she wasn’t going to ship Audrey after all because she was afraid she wouldn’t do well with the flight.  Audrey is a mild mannered dog and the flight would be difficult, not to mention new people and a new life at the end of the line.  Actually, I was relieved that sweet Audrey wouldn’t have to make that trip.  I was worried about her myself.  But sad for me.

In the meantime, I’d bought a new ortho doggie bed, a nice collar, all the things I thought would make her comfortable.  I even hired someone to come and help arrange things in the house, with Audrey in mind.   No different from how I’d get ready for a family member or a friend.  As far as I was concerned, she WAS a family member, and I could hardly wait to welcome her into her new home.

What do I do with all that energy?  All those emotions?  I tell myself I have to forget her.  But I can’t.  She’s in my heart.  All this love, and no where to put it.